Attack of the Evil Ninja Squirrels
by happychica
Summary: Something wicked is happening to Konoha! Who's going to stop it? What IS it? How would you know? Please read, flames will be used for cooking ramen!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to the lucky soul who created him. This idea belongs to my friend, mostly.

A/N: We're ba-ack! Ok, here is the story!

narration  
"speaking"  
_thinking_

Chapter 1

"Wow, what a beautiful day! Don't you guys agree?" Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were outside the local ice cream store, slowly consuming their purchases. Two heads nodded in agreement and the team descended into silence. A few minutes later Sasuke stood up, tension radiating off of his body. "Is something wrong Sasuke?" ask Sakura anxiously.

"Something's headed this way, something bad."

Suddenly the ground began to shake violently, causing all three to drop what remained of the sweets. The sky darkened as huge thunder clouds rolled in. A giant black mass of smoke appeared on the horizon, moving rapidly towards the three shinobi. Sasuke and Sakura pulled out their weapons, both praying that there was something solid in all that smoke that could be hit. Naruto stood with his mouth opened, too stunned to think. A sharp wrap on the head from Sakura mended that problem, and the blonde, too, pulled out some of his weapons. All too soon the gigantic mass came to a halt before the young ninja, who all tensed. The smoke began to dissipate, revealing…

"Is this some kind of joke?" yelled Naruto. "They're just a bunch of squirrels!"

"We're not just any squirrels," shouted one of the rodents. "We are the SNSTF! Also known as the Special Ninja Squirrel Task Force! And I am their leader, Leader Squirrel! There is nothing you can do to stop us from invading, and taking over this pathetic village. Muahahahahahahahahahaha!" Soon the air was filled with high pitched, and truly annoying, squirrel laughter.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you're squirrels," said Sakura absent-mindedly. She was trying to figure out their plan, but every one she thought up was too ridiculous to mention, let alone use.

"We'll show you, wench, we'll show this whole town! But first, we shall eliminate you three, and by 'we', I mean my subordinates! Get them!" At their leader's command, a group of squirrels launched themselves at Sasuke, hurling miniature kunai. (This is not because he was using the Uchiha Death Glare, which has claimed 13 lives to date, but because Sasuke had developed the annoying habit of always ending up in front of the group.) Sasuke deflected them easily, now thoroughly miffed at the situation. The squirrels gasped and hid behind their leader, who was surprised at the boy's skill.

"For creatures that want to rule the world, you're pretty weak…and small." (Please insert Uchiha Smirk of Superiority)

"Yeah, they are pretty short," agreed the Kyuubi vessel, nodding his head. Any fear that had taken up residence had long since vanished.

_Cha, Sasuke's so cool!_ Sakura shook her head. Who ever had decided to live in there was extremely noisy, especially during fights. She wished she knew how to kick the nuisance out, but so far she couldn't think of anything. Tuning back into the fight, Sakura watched as another group of squirrels attacked Sasuke, this time without weapons. Sasuke throw out a small group of shuriken which sliced the squirrels into bits.

Leader Squirrel stepped back in horror. _Who IS this kid! And how can he be so cruel! They were just innocent squirrels, doing as they were told! Must not cry, I gotta pull my troops back and retreat! If this is the defense, we will defiantly need a plan! Oh, we would find the strongest ones first!_ "Retreat, troops, fall back!" And with that, the SNSTF! vanished back into its cloud and moved away. The sky cleared and all went back to normal.

"Do you think they'll be back?" asked Sakura, hitting her head to silence the unwanted tenant. "They might not be strong, but they're awful stubborn."

"Hmm, I don't know, but we should be on the look out."

"Why? They're squirrels, we can just hit them over the head with something and they'll go away!"

"Naruto has a point; they are simply rodents of an extremely obnoxious verity."

"Still, I won't be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life for an eight inch tall pest."

"But-" began Naruto.

"I'll buy you ramen if you just shut up about the stupid things. We'll get rid of them if they come back and that's all. And I'm sure Sakura's right and they will." This had the desired effect of the Kitsune and the two boys left for Ichiraku's. Sakura stood staring at the ground. Whatever was in her head had shut up, but it also seemed to have fainted. Either that, of she was getting worst headache ever. Sighing again, the girl headed home.

Little did they know how soon the trouble would begin again…

TBC

A/N: Well that's it for chapter one. Sorry if it seemed short, but I think all the chapters in this story will be. That's just how they're coming out. I'll update sooner if I know somebody out there is reading this thing. n.n


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing and Serene only owns the idea. You will know if either of us ever owned Naruto…which we don't.

Thank yous to _Shadow Feeder_, _attackofthechipmunks_, and _nwfairy_ for reviewing. (Gives cookies)

Chapter 2

"KONOHA HURRICANE!" bellowed a genin, smashing his target to bits. Poor tree, it had a good life. Collapsing on the training field, Rock Lee reflected on all that had happened to him today. The only interesting thing was the bizarre weather…and his current break from following his true love around without her consent. A rustling in some nearby bushes snapped the green-clad shinobi from his thoughts. Rising silently, Lee crept over to the bushes, reading himself for an attack. Peering over the top of said bush, however, Lee quickly forgot about fighting anything.

For you see, on the other side of this bush was a group of squirrels, and only idiots fight squirrels. Lee was about to walk away when something happened. Something that made the weird weather look all too normal. One of the squirrels began talking.

"That kid should not be taken lightly! He could seriously endanger the mission! We shall have to remove him from the picture! Blast it, where is that scout! We cannot hope to formulate a plan without any information on this threat!" Lee was too stunned to really process the words coming out of the squirrel's mouth. _Squirrels aren't supposed to talk, right?_ Suddenly, another squirrel appeared, out of breath.

"There you are!" shouted the first squirrel, snapping Lee out of his reverie. "What took so long! You're a squirrel, for heaven's sake! It's not like anyone would be looking for something as insignificant as us to be stealing information! Explain yourself!"

"I got lost, sir. This place is much bigger than our compound, sir. It won't happen again, sir." The second squirrel was shaking rather violently at this point.

"Alright, it better not!" grumbled the first squirrel. "Now what information do you have for us on the three we fought!"

_The squirrels are collecting information on people from my village? What is happening to the world that we must fear such minute and un-harmful creatures?_ If only Lee knew what lie ahead, perhaps he would have though differently.

"Well, sir, I do, sir. The wench's name is Haruno Sakura and she appears to be skilled at jutsus. The blonde's name is Uzumachi Naruto and he appears to be mildly skilled at many things. The last one is named Uchiha Sasuke and he appears to be extremely good at everything but being normal. Oh, and he posses the Sharingan Mirror Eye. That's all I could find on them, though their senseis seemed to be rather threatening."

"Well, I care not for the senseis of these three, for they cannot be more harmful then those we have already encountered! Especially this Uchiha Sasuke! He must be eliminated if we are ever to succeed!"

_I do believe these rodents called my love a wench! This demands action!_ Standing up, Lee burst through the bushes, having failed to notice that the pests seemed to not care much for anyone but Sasuke. (Another annoying habit that will probably get him in major trouble one day.)

"YOU THERE! I DO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CALL MY LOVE A WENCH! YOU SHALL PAY DEARLY FOR YOUR MISTAKE!" 'Ha, Gai-sensei would be proud of my courage! He always says you should stand up for what you love!'

After Lee's rather loud entrance, the squirrels attempted to retain order, although many were frightened of the green clad giant. Leader Squirrel, the first to recover, moved slightly towards Lee, determined not to be frightened by yet another ninja from Konohagakure.

"Hmm, it seems the wench has a fan! How sad; I'm sure you will be greatly depressed when we kill her!" Lee's face changed from defiance, to outrage, to fearful, to determined, all in about 5 seconds.

"DO NOT CALL MY LOVE A WENCH! AND I SHALL NOT ALLOW YOU TO KILL HER! I SHALL DEFENED HER WITH MY LIFE!"

"Wench," said Leader squirrel. "Wench, wench, wench, wench, wench, wench!"

Lee couldn't take it anymore. "KONOHA HURRICANE!" bellowed the enraged shinobi, attacking the evil squirrels. Unfortunately, said squirrels being so small, they easily dodged the attacks.

"Ah, trying to protect the honor of the Wench, eh? You really must love her!" Leader Squirrel smirked at his cleverness. Not any old squirrel could have figured that out, you know.

"YES, I DO!" said Lee. The squirrels stared at Lee while Lee stared right back. Minutes passed, then:

"Alright then, I shall fight you!" shouted Leader Squirrel.

"Do you think you shall need our assistance?" asked one of the other squirrels nearby. He didn't really mean it, as Lee was much bigger than any of them, but, being part of the group, he was obliged to offer.

"No! I don't think I'll need your help to defeat this kid! I'm pretty sure I can take him!" The nameless squirrel looked extremely relieved, and hurried back to his place in the group.

Lee and the leader of the squirrels stared at each other for a bit longer; then the squirrel threw something at him. Glancing down, Lee saw that it was a nut. After a few more seconds, the squirrel threw another one at him. The squirrel repeated the process for several more minutes.

_I guess he is trying to anger me again,_ thought Lee, watching with growing amusement. _But he does not throw hard, nor does he have good aim. I am more likely to laugh than attack at this point._

Leader Squirrel noticed his plan wasn't working. _Grr! Why won't this kid get angry again! I have been throwing nuts at him for a while now! No one has that much patience._ Pausing in his attack, the squirrel quickly rethought his strategy. He made some quick hand signs; then cried: "Squirrel-in-the-Headlight no jutsu!"

Lee stared, not understanding. _This has grown tiresome; I am beginning to doubt they were ever any threat at all. Perhaps it was foolish to think they could harm my love,_ thought the green clad shinobi. Lee attempted to walk away, but found that he could not move. _What? How did this happen?_ Lee's eyes widened. _It must have been that ridiculous sounding jutsu! It's an actual jutsu! Never thought there would be one that sounded that odd…perhaps it is not so bad that I cannot use ninjutsu, for saying such silly things would be highly embarrassing._ That, however, was about to become the least of Lee's problems.

Making some more hand signs, Leader Squirrel shouted: "Mountain-of-Nuts no jutsu!" A gigantic pile of nuts appeared over the heads of all present. Using his chakra, Leader Squirrel guided the nuts over Lee; then released the pile. Poor Lee was buried under thousands of nuts.

"Hahahahahahaha! Foolish human! Nothing can defeat my Mountain-of-Nuts no jutsu!" shouted Leader Squirrel, using his obnoxiously high pitched laugh to add effect, even though its effect was simply to annoy all non-squirrels in the area.

"Oh really?" asked on such person. "If it's that powerful, why don't you use it on me?" Turning, the squirrels noticed that Sasuke had entered the clearing. He smirked down at the rodents, taunting them in a way only an Uchiha can.

"Grr! I'll make you pay for what you did to my soldiers, Uchiha Sasuke!" shrieked the enraged Leader Squirrel. Quickly forming hand signs, he bellowed: "Mountain-of-Nuts no jutsu!" Sasuke dodged the giant pile of nuts, as is to be expected from one such as him.

"Perhaps you should have frozen me first?" questioned the young shinobi, still smirking.

_Fine,_ thought Leader Squirrel, _then I shall!_ "Squirrel-in-the-Headlights no jutsu!" Again, the Uchiha heir leapt out of the way. _Grr! How shall I defeat him! There is no way…unless…_ Leader Squirrel threw something onto the ground. A puff of ninja smoke appeared, engulfing the squirrels. When it cleared, they were, obviously, no longer present. Even squirrels are not that slow.

Sasuke sighed. This really was probably the dumbest thing he'd ever lived threw, and he knew Naruto. (Sorry Naru-chan!) Strolling over to the first pile of nuts, he helped Lee the rest of the way out from under the massive weight. "You alright?"

"YES, I AM FINE. I AM SORRY THAT YOUR HELP WAS NEEDED. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DEFEAT SOMETHING SO SMALL ON MY OWN."

"It's ok. They may be small, but they're tricky." Sasuke mentally slapped himself. _Did I just call those things _smart

Lee blinked at him. _Did he just call the rodents smart?_ Deciding to ignore such a thing, Lee moved on to a more pressing matter. "SASUKE, WHERE IS THE REST OF YOUR TEAM?"

"Huh? Oh, they're in the E.N.R.S. (Emergency Ninja Rodent Shelter). I thought they might be safer there."

_At the E.R.N.S. ..._

Both Naruto and Sakura were sneezing violently. "I wish whoever was talking about us would stop," muttered Sakura. Naruto nodded his agreement before sneezing once more.

_Back with the others..._

"SHOULD WE TELL SOMEONE OF THIS PEST PROBLEM? PERHAPS THERE IS AN EXTERMINATOR WHO COULD RID US OF THESE USLESS CREATURES?" Sasuke thought for a moment.

"No," he answered. "We'd just look stupid. All animals run when they sense danger, or they attack. These squirrels don't seem to be an exception." Suddenly, the two shinobi were distracted by shouts and yells. Turning towards the sound, they noticed someone crawling through the bushes. Suddenly Naruto appeared. He was badly injured.

"Man," mumbled said ninja, "those things hurt."

"NARUTO, WHAT HAPPENED?" asked Lee, worry for his love creeping into his voice.

Naruto glanced up, noticing the other two boys for the first time. "Those stupid squirrels attacked us. Those little shuriken hurt like mad."

"What happened to Sakura?" asked Sasuke, kneeling down to check the extent of the damage Naruto had suffered. He pulled a few miniature shuriken from Naruto's legs.

"Ow! What it, teme, that hurts! The dumb squirrels took her. I don't know how, I think they knocked her out. They got me away from her before they attacked. Don't ask."

"WELL, WE'VE GOT TO GO SAVE HER!" However, Lee didn't sound so enthusiastic. Even this was a bit much for his youth bound ways. The other nodded; Naruto now standing with Sasuke's help.

"We're in," said Sasuke. "Now all we need is a plan." The other two nodded; faces grim. As if one cue, Naruto fell over, dead asleep.

_Well, it may have ruined the seriousness,_ thought Lee, _but this whole thing is rather stupid. Even Gai-sensei could not make this look fun…_ Leaning the sleeping ninja against a nearby tree, Lee and Sasuke set about trying to think of a plan to rid them of this stupid problem.

TBC...

A/N: I know it's been a while since I updated and I'm sorry. It just took forever to type this thing up. Believe me, I started in June. However, I hope you like it, and that I can update faster. But it shan't be this next week, for I shall be in Canada (waves Canadian flag) yeah for mountains! Please leave your thoughts; flames shall be used to burn the butts of those who left them n.n


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: See chapter two.

A/N: I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shoot me if you wish. Anyways, this chapter is in honor of the first snow that I've seen all year. Hope it's worth the wait.

Narration  
"Speaking"  
_Inner Sakura/writing_

Chapter 3

A few hours later found Sasuke, Naruto, and Lee back at the ENRS. Lee was bandaging Naruto's injuries while Sasuke paced, looking for all the world like a child who'd just been told there was no more Halloween.

"We could capture on of the squirrel scouts. Then we could interrogate him to see where the base is," suggested Lee. Naruto yelped and Lee loosened the bandage around his leg.

"That wouldn't work," Sasuke sighed. "These…squirrels…are too darn proud. They'd rather die than betray their leader. …when did squirrels learn to be so human?" The other two shrugged.

"Even if that's true, I don't see any other way to find Sakura," said Lee, putting the first aid kit away. "You're all done, Naruto. But be careful, you used up half the supplies." Naruto grinned.

"Sorry."

"Look, both of you, I'm not going around setting up squirrel traps all day. We are going to find another way and that's final!" The other boys watched quietly as Sasuke continued to pace agitatedly around the small shelter. Finally, Lee lost it.

"I don't see you coming up with anything, Sasuke! You come up with an actual plan, and then you can trash mine!" Sasuke started at the usually peaceful (albeit, hyper) boy.

"…fine, but this –"

"Look!" Lee and Sasuke whipped around to glare at Naruto and saw him pick up a small letter. "It looks like it's from the squirrels."

"Give me that," snapped Sasuke, snatching the letter out of the blonde's hands.

_Greetings Uchiha Sasuke!_

_By now, your little dunce-_

"Hey!"

"Shh..."

_-would have told you what happened to the Wench. If you ever want to see your beloved Sakura again, meet me, Leader Squirrel, at the Oak Tree in the middle of the forest at Sundown. We shall let the Wench go in exchange for your surrender. If you refuse to attend or refuse to surrender, we shall kill the Wench in front of your eyes!_

_Choose wisely,_

_Leader Squirrel_

"I you don't show up, how're they gonna kill Sakura in front of your eyes?"

"It doesn't matter, Naruto, because I am going."

"But-"

"But I'm not going alone. Here's the plan…"

Sundown was just around the corner and the forest was a buzz of excitement. Squirrels were running everywhere and the sound of little feet was starting to drive the only human present mad.

"Would you rats just let me go!" bellowed the pink-haired kunoichi. _How did I get kidnapped by squirrels? How!_

"Shut up, Wench. When your friend shows up, we'll let you go…maybe."

Sakura blinked. _When did squirrels get to be so human?_ "And if he doesn't show?"

"He'll come. You are his teammate. He wouldn't leave you."

"Unless he thinks this is as ridiculous as I do." Their argument was interrupted by a loud crash. Looking up, Sakura saw Lee and Naruto fall haphazardly through the under brush. _Apparently he does…_ "Naruto, Lee, help me!"

"Well, well, if it isn't the Dunce and the Wench's Heartthrob. How cute. But where is Uchiha?"

"That doesn't matter. You really should be worrying about what we're gonna do to you." _Typical Lee…_

"Kage bushin no jutsu! Ninja centre fold!" All the squirrels blushed and fell over.

"Good work, Naruto. Now, for you Leader Squirrel. Konoha Hurricane!" The squirrel leapt nimbly out of the way.

"So, you wish for a rematch, eh? Well, you shall fall the same way you did before!"

Naruto and Sakura watched as Lee and Leader Squirrel duke it out between them. However, Sakura's attention was drawn away from the fight when she heard rustling above her.

"Sasuke!" _I guess he did take that letter seriously…_

"Shh, listen carefully. Once I've untied you, climb up into this tree. When Naruto and Lee find a free spot, we'll all run like heck outta here. Got it?" Sakura nodded. "Grr, this knot is too tight."

"So cut it!" Sasuke blinked at the girl before pulling out a kunai and taking her advice. _Why didn't he think of that?_

Lee, noticing Sakura's vanishing feet, flipped backwards and landed neatly next to Naruto.

"I am afraid I must end this, Leader Squirrel, but we shall end this some day. Until then!" With that, the four children took off running as if the Devil himself were on their heels.

Arriving back at the ENRS, Sakura turned to Lee.

"Lee?"

"Yes my love?"

"I just wanted to tell you."

"Yes?"

"Thanks so much for helping save my hide!!" Naruto face fell as Lee fainted. Sasuke just sighed.

"How did I get landed with these idiots…"

TBC

A/N: Yeah, not my best, but I wanted something up. There's one more chapter, but I can't promise when it'll get up. I got back into a series called Star Trek: Voyager, and all my stuff's kinda fallen by the wayside so I can get caught up.

Kage bushin no jutsu is the Japanese name for Naruto's shadow clone jutsu.

Thoughts?


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

A/N: Yeah, it has been _far_ too long, but less than a year, so…/hides/

Narration

"Speaking"

_Thoughts_

Chapter 4

_Our spastic group of heroes has now been reunited and it hiding out in the ENRS._

Sasuke leaned against the wall of their small shelter. He had never been one for running, let alone to simply hide. Sighing, the young avenger turned to his companions. "We need a plan to defeat these squirrels once and for all." The others all nodded in agreement.

"Maybe we could find their base and attack them there," suggested Sakura, still pulling twigs out of her bubblegum pick hair.

"But love," replied Lee, "we don't know where that is. The squirrels were not foolish enough to hold you hostage at their own base." Sasuke glared at the floor. It _had_ been a half decent idea, especially coming from the pink-haired bimbo.

"I know!" _Uh-oh,_ thought Sasuke. Naruto had never been one for coming up with plans, but in a situation this…ridiculous, he might be the only one who could.

"What about a challenge? Leader Squirrel likes to fight, and he seems to have something personal against you, Sasuke. So why don't you go fight him. If you taunt him enough, he's sure to make a mistake that'll let you win!" Sasuke stared.

"That might be the most intelligent thing you've ever said." Naruto blinked at his rival.

"Really?"

"We'd have to raise the stakes a bit," continued Sasuke, ignoring the blonde's question. "I doubt he'll fight just for the heck of it."

"What; like loser surrenders?" asked Sakura, finally twig free.

"It is a good plan, but extremely risky." The small group turned to look at Lee. "If we win, we are simply carefree. But if you lose, Uchiha Sasuke, then the entire village will be controlled by psychotic rodents."

"Nice pep talk," muttered the avenger, "but it's not like we have any other choice. I just can't lose." Silence descended over the entire group. Never being one for the quiet, Naruto spoke up.

"We are taking this a bit seriously. It SQUIRRELS!! Even if we lose, the rest of the village can just spray raid or something and they'll all have to leave."

"This is a bit idiotic," mumbled Sakura.

"I know!" added Lee, holding up a pack of papers. "Through out this entire story, I get beat up by squirrels while Uchiha saves the day. I am just as good as he is."

"Where did you get that?" Lee stared at the three curious shinobi in front of him.

"Heh heh…no where…"

zzz

Dusk found our young heroes crouched on the top of the academy. Peering over the edge, Sakura gasped.

"How could a bunch of squirrels gain control of the village that quickly? We're ninjas for Kami's sake!" The three males looked at her.

"Who?"

"Never mind," snapped Sakura, "how do we get our message to them?" The four genin sat in contemplative silence for a few moments.

"I have got it!" announced Lee minutes later. "Does any one have paper and pen?" Naruto dug through his jacket pockets before producing the requested items.

"How many pockets do you have, Naruto?" asked Sakura, amazed. Naruto grinned but didn't reply.

"There!" Handing back the pen to Naruto, Lee produce a Shruiken of his own and attached the small paper to it. Turning, the boy threw the weapon as hard as he could, a solid thunk letting him know it had hit his target.

"Alright, since that's done, can we go?" asked Sasuke. He had better things to do than _any_ of this, but waiting for a rodent to find a piece of paper was definitely at the bottom of even that list.

"OK," chorused the others and the four shinobi took off.

_Meanwhile, on the Squirrel Side…_

Leader Squirrel was at the end of his (very short) rope. They were running out of time and The Master would not be pleased if they failed. Shivering, Leader Squirrel thought back to the last time they had failed, many moons ago…

"Leader Squirrel! Leader Squirrel! I've got a message from the resistance!" Scout Squirrel 58 Cowered under the thunderous glare from his leader, but stood his ground none the less.

"Well, what does it say?" demanded Leader Squirrel.

"I dunno, Sir, it's addressed to you." Handing over the scrap off paper, Scout Squirrel 58 dashed away, breaking every land-speed record to date. Scowling at the cowardice of his army, Leader Squirrel unfolded the note.

_Hello Leader Squirrel,_

_I, Uchiha Sasuke, challenge you to a Ninja Duel! If you lose, then you must leave our village as quickly as you can. If I lose, then the village is yours to command and we will hand ourselves over to you willing. Meet me by the Oak Tree near the edge of the woods at dawn. This duel will end this once and for all. Accept, if you dare._

_Uchiha Sasuke_

Leader Squirrel stared at the note, reading it through twice more before grinning wickedly. _So the fool is going to confront me. Well, that will certainly make this much easier._ Folding the note back up, Leader Squirrel motioned for one of the nearby recruits.

"Send a message to the resistance. We accept!"

TBC

A/N: Why this took so long to write, I will never understand, but here is the second to last chapter (if all goes as planned). I must confer with my co-author to decide the fate of this whole mess.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: _Naruto_ is not ours, but parts of the idea actually belong to me this chapter!

A/N: Alright, _months _later, the home stretch!….

Dawn broke as the four genin made their way to the clearing. The whole thing screamed trap, but at this point, none of them cared enough to think up another plan. The whole thing was a bit stupid, really, and the only surviving goal was to end the entire ridiculous thing before it got any worse. Little did they know…

"Hmph, you actually showed up, Uchiha Sasuke." Slightly to their left Leader Squirrel emerged from the mass of squirrels that ringing the clearing, making escape nearly impossible. " I was thinking you'd be too scared to show your face, even after you sent that message."

Sasuke smirked arrogantly. "Funny, I thought that same of you." Leader Squirrel scowled back while Inner Sakura cheered wildly for Sasuke's 'cleverness' (is it clever or scary when you think like the bad guys?).

"How dare you say such a thing about our Leader!" One of the Scout Squirrels leapt out of the ring, enraged at the Uchiha's comment. At a look from their Leader, the other squirrels quickly dragged the rogue back into the fold, hushing him immediately.

"Now now, Scout. Let him say what he likes. He is about to die."

"Oh really? Than what are you waiting for? Get on with it."

"If you insist," replied Leader Squirrel calmly. "Squirrel-in-the-Headlights!"

Sasuke leapt easily out of the way of the jutsu, though the squirrels behind him weren't so lucky. "Please tell me that's not the only jutsu you know. This fight won't be any fun if I can doge everything you throw at me."

"Indeed," agreed Leader Squirrel, and there was a general murmuring of agreement. Even Naruto and Lee were nodding. Sasuke sighed. Why were all his teammates embarrassing? "And because of this, I've saved one especially for such a circumstance. Guess-Which-Nut Jutsu!"

Three large acorn halves appeared above Leader Squirrel. Scurrying under one of them, the nuts immediately began to switch around quickly, finally coming to a stop. Sasuke stared at the sight. He wasn't doing this. He couldn't _possibly_ be risking a fight on something so stupid.

"All you have to do is guess which nut I'm in. Mind, if you guess wrong, the nut will blow up!" Resigning himself to this game, Sasuke loosed a kunai at the right-most acorn. The resulting explosion blew everything to the edge of the clearing and deposited and very displeased Uchiha on a now even more annoyed Uzumaki.

"Get off me!"

Sasuke rolled off sans objection. Watching the smoke clear, he smirked at the blonde. "You know, if this ninja thing fails, you could become someone's pillow." Naruto scowled back and stood up.

"Where's the coward hiding?"

"Unfortunately, that is not for you four to know." The voice reverberated around the clearing amusingly, lacking the deep baritone to make it ominous. "As you are no longer amusing, or even really anything above a complete and total nuisance, this dual is over." The genin looked at each other. "Squirrels, attack!"

The following battle was intense. Fur flew in every direction, while nondescript yells filled the air. Occasionally a discernable "what the-" or "ow!" could be heard, but for annoying rat-like creatures who's saving grace is their amazing tails, the squirrels were putting up an amazing fight.

Minutes later, the four genin were thrown back into the centre, Sakura and Naruto landing squarely on Lee, and Sasuke missed the pile entirely. As the squirrels retreated back to the edge of the clearing, Leader Squirrel came forward, tiny arms crossed in triumph. "Well, it seems you genin can put up quite a fight. But for no avail. It was fun while it lasted, but now you really must die."

"Aw man," moaned Naruto. "If only something ridiculously convenient would happen."

"Like someone showing up to save our bacon?" asked Lee, pushing the other two off of him.

"Yeah, something like that."

On cue, several oversized shuriken flew from the trees, taking out an entire section of the squirrel border.

"What the-" Leader Squirrel stumbled back, watching cautiously as the shuriken returned to its master. Silently, the nin drops from the tree.

"Iruka sensei?" Sasuke gaped at his formed sensei as Naruto flew over to give the man a hug. Deadly situations are no reason to change tradition.

"You looked like you could use some help," gasped Iruka, gently prying the blonde from his ribcage. "And I've nothing better to do."

Behind him, Sasuke heard Leader Squirrel gasp. "It's you!"

Iruka blinked and looked around, finally spotting the infuriated rodent. "Oh, you."

Carefully, Naruto backed away from his now annoyed sensei. Apparently, this wasn't the first time these two had met.

"Of all the," Iruka paused, watching the small animal, "things…to be behind today I wasn't expecting you,"

"No!" howled Leader Squirrel.

"Timmy!"

The surviving squirrels gasped as they turned to stare at their leader. "Sir, say it isn't so! That can't be your name!"

"Timmy?" whispered Lee as Sakura tried to not to laugh. "What kinda name is Timmy for an evil-"

"Rodent?" asked Naruto, grin stretching from ear to ear. "Who cares? It fits with the rest of the plot."

Sasuke coughed softly. "Can we just end this?"

"Sure!" chorused the others.

With the help of their old sensei, the genin quickly dispatched with the rodent infestation, leaving only Leader Squirrel/Timmy.

"No, you can't, you mustn't!" cried the squirrel, cowering.

"Why not?" Iruka asked absently, pulling a kunai from the pouch on his leg.

"Because…because…" With a poof of smoke, Leader Squirrel vanished from the clearing. Sighing, Iruka replaced the kunai.

"Alright, now what's going on?" Sasuke whirled to face his former sensei. "This is the most ridiculous thing EVER!"

"Not really," answered Iruka. "You'd be surprised at some of the things Konohagakure has come up with over the years."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah."

"Such as?"

"Such as those squirrels were trained be jounin from _this village_."

The four genin stared at Iruka, blinking in disbelief. "You're kidding right?" whispered Lee.

"I wish I was." Iruka sighed again, sitting on a nearby log. The genin sat in front of him, except Sasuke, who's too cool for such things as sitting. "Apparently, years ago, the Hokage came up with the idea of forming a Ninja Squirrel Unit, or NSU. By doing so, they would have extremely small operatives who could do missions, such as spying and retrieving, much easier than a full sized human. Of course, it didn't work. The squirrels…were trainable, but mercenary, so they left when they thought something better lay outside loyalty to one particular village."

"Why have we never heard of any of this? Even in passing it's never come up anywhere!"

"Probably because before now, it was on a much smaller scale, easier to cover up."

"This is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard of," shouted Naruto.

"That would be the other reason," replied Iruka. "Do you really think anyone would take seriously a nation that considered resorting to _squirrels_ as a major defense?" The four nodded.

-

Meanwhile, Leader Squirrel had finally made his way back to the Base, quickly hurrying to the main audience chamber. He wasn't looking forward to this, but it had to be done. _He_ had to know what happened.

Bursting (as much as a squirrel can) into the room, Leader Squirrel launched into his report/excuse. "Lord Orochimaru, I-"

"That's funny," hissed a voice, "I thought I told you not to return until you had defeated Konohagakure. You don't look like a squirrel whose been particularly…successful."

"My lord, we were overpowered. We were so close, but-"

"Close only counts in horseshoes!" thundered Orochimaru, anger positively flowing off of his pale form.

"It was that damned Uchiha Sasuke; he held us off until backup could arrive. Please, if you'll only give me more troops, I can-"

"Enough! This is not the first time you've failed me, but it will be your last."

"No…NO!" Terrified, Leader Squirrel ran for the door.

"And they said you were the best…pity." Absently, Orochimaru reached over and pulled on a rope hanging from the wall. The floor vanished, dropping the squirrel into a vast pit filled with vipers. The floor reappeared, cutting of the squirrel's shrieks of terror.

Orochimaru sighed and made his way from the room to his office near the back of the compound. "That's the third one this week. What does it take to get good henchmen nowadays? And the nins are worthless for this kind of thing. I-"

The Sanin paused when he saw someone was already sitting in his chair. Slowly, said chair turned, revealing Uchiha Itachi, smirking widely.

"Did your little squirrel plan fail?"

"What are you doing here?"

"You owe me twenty dollars." Itachi clasped his hands in his lap, smiling sweetly. "And you promised to back off if your plan failed. It's my turn to attack Konohagakure."

"And how do you know I'll keep my word?" grumbled Orochimaru.

"Because you're not willing to risk breaking it," replied the Akatsuki, still smiling. Growling, Orochimaru stalked from the room, leaving a laughing Itachi behind him.

"Stupid Uchihas."

- Two weeks later-

It was yet another beautiful day in Konohagakure, and our heroes have decided to test out the new smoothie stand that had opened down the street. Walking outside, they notice the sky darken, the wind pick, the noise level drop.

"Oh no," moan the three genin as a voice shouts:

"Prepare yourself, for we are….!"

The smoke clears revealing-

"Ninja Bunnies!"

_fin_

A/N: Well, it's done. It took…a while…a long while…but here's the ending. Hopefully the next one will get posted a little faster. Of course, it would really help if I found the story…heh heh…


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